Glume de taximetrist

GLUME DE TAXIMETRIST:

A total naked woman rushed in a taxi.
The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly.
The woman asked the taxi driver: "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a naked woman?"
The taxi driver replied: "No, I just wonder where you have my money."


What are the three rules for being a plumber?


1. Hot water is always on the left.
2. Shit doesn't flow uphill
3. Never chew your fingernails.


A new addition to the periodic table of chemical elements:
• Element name: Girl
• Symbol: GI
• Atomic weight: Don't even dare to ask
• Physical props: Boils at anything, can freeze at any time, melts if handled with care and love, very bitter if mishandled
• Chemical props: Very reactive, highly unstable, possess strong affinity for gold, platinum, diamond, and other precious items, money reducing agent, volatile when left alone
• Uses: Mainly used to destroy men


a) What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
b) What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

1) …"FIRETRUCK"!!! What were you thinking?!?!
2) ..."POPCORN"!!! What were you thinking?!?!


Chuck Norris:
- Once "Chuck Norris" and "Time" had race. Result: The time is still running.
- Chuck Norris can walk on water...He's not God...the water is just afraid of getting him wet.


- A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends: none of them knew anything about it.
- A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends: 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.


An Irishman walks out of a bar.... IT COULD HAPPEN YOU KNOW!!!


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square:
- The first Catholic man tells his friends:
"My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
- The second Catholic man chirps:
"My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
- The third Catholic gent says:
"My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
- The fourth Catholic man says very proudly:
"My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
- Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle:
"Well .........?"
- She proudly replies:
"I have a daughter, slim, tall, 90 bust, 60 waist and 90 hips. When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."