miercuri, 8 august 2012
Your Horoscope, August 2012
Four will be killed, 12 injured, and nearly 50 molested this week after your unconscious escapes.
Taurus
Will you finally get that big job promotion? Is a whirlwind romance in the cards for you? Tune in to Taurus next week for all the answers and more!
Gemini
The training wheels will soon come off your bike, as will both regular wheels, the front and back brakes, each handlebar, and, finally, you.
Cancer
Red-bellied trout are known for traveling halfway across the country in search of a mate, but it’s still a bit of a surprise when hundreds of them arrive at your doorstep.
Leo
Don’t be afraid to ask loved ones for help this week. After all, they expect nothing less from a fuckup like you.
sâmbătă, 4 august 2012
vineri, 3 august 2012
Refreshing the brain
Your brain will be refreshed in the next five seconds:
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Singles Questionnaire
First of all, instructions:
Please answer each question as honestly as possible. I will grade your responses and get back to you.
1) A woman's place is in the:
a) House (or Senate)
b) Bedroom
c) Office
d) Sitting in a deep dark cellar plotting to cut a man's entrails out and leave it as food for wild jackals
2) When singing in the shower, you will most likely sing:
a) "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"
b) "Material Girl"
c) "I Touch Myself"
d) The theme from Psycho
3) The perfect Christmas gift is:
a) Expensive perfume or intimate evening wear
b) Flowers, a backrub, bubble bath, and a hand-written love sonnet
c) Six-pack of Bud, Domino's Pizza, and an evening of QVC
d) Whips, knives and red-hot irons
4) A woman's hairstyle should:
a) Gently accentuate her best features
b) Not resemble a poodle
c) Hide the lobotomy scars
d) Cover the little "666" on the back of the skull and not reveal the demon-horns
5) Your personal role-model is:
a) Hillary Clinton
b) Ruth Bader-Ginsberg
c) Daisy Duke
d) Lorena Bobbitt
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